derrickT

Think about where you get your information, and who you trust.

• When you’re looking for news, do you read small blogs, or big newspapers?
• When you’re looking for spiritual advice, do you look to ‘churches‘ (the established central authorities of various religions), or individuals (authors, travelers on the path, spiritual leaders, etc.)?
• When you’re looking to educate yourself (or your kids), do you trust “official” organizations and government agencies, or independents (authors, websites, how-to books, etc.)?
• Yellow pages, Chamber of Commerce, Better Business Bureau, or Google?

On one hand, you’ve got the “authorities” (of course, they’re the ones saying they’re the authorities, and we often trust them just because they do). On the other hand, you’ve got individuals, those who are drawing on the wisdom that comes from their own experience and learning, to the voices who have trodden the path and stand to speak about it.

(And just so you know that I’m not just talking out of my elbow, I do realize that many well-experienced individuals often make up the rosters of those big authoritative organizations. And, I also know what being a part of big authoritative organizations can do to squelch the voice of the individual within it…)

If you saw the movie “Sicko“, you’ll remember the interview with Tony Benn, the British socialist politician who so eloquently described how the grassroots movements in the UK created healthcare reform sixty years ago.

In addition, he spoke about how in England, the government fears the people (and does right by them, by and large), because they realize the people have the power. In the US, of course, the people fear the government (which doesn’t do right by us), because they—and us—have forgotten that it is the people who have the power. (Not to belabor this point too much, but another great documentary in the same vein is “Why We Fight“, about how Eisenhower’s presidency ushered in the first standing military-industrial complex… and before that, the government was less feared.)

So, who do you listen to?

Where do you look for answers? To the “authorities” that say they’re the authorities, or to individuals, to the wisdom in our collective, to the voices who have trodden the path and stand to speak about it?

And I’m not just talking about global political issues, or national social issues… I’m also talking about who you trust for information about everyday matters, like toothpaste, transportation, and tea. Sources of information are more plentiful now than ever before in history, and so is our access to them. Because of this, it’s our individual duty to strengthen our BS detectors, and come to understand what separates truth from falsehood.

I realize, it’s never quite so cut and dry as ‘big vs small’, either. Some organizations are amazing. Some individuals are wacko. It’s up to you to follow your heart and decide for yourself.

And really, that’s the point of this entire piece.

It comes back, again, to self-responsibility. To honoring your own sovereignty. To taking the initiative to “front the essential facts of life” with open eyes, and open heart, and an open mind.

Because when it comes down to it, you have to decide for yourself. When authority (be it a group or an individual claiming to have it) speaks, you have to question it — even when it takes you against everything you’ve ever been taught — because then, and only then, will you have the peace that comes from following your own internal sense of what is right.

And that quality, the quality of certainty, is rarely afforded to those who aren’t willing to challenge convention and trust that sense of inner knowing that permeates the deeper reaches of the soul. Stay on the surface, and you get only superficial confidence. Dive deeper, and you get abiding resiliency, self-determination, and inner strength.

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sleepysparrow

If you want to make an impact in the world, you have to express yourself. And the way you’ve expressed yourself so far has been good, in that it has gotten you to where you are now. But if you want to go beyond where you’ve come, you need to make a shift. And making a shift in how you express yourself is one of the toughest things to do. (Spinning plates, juggling knives, doing a back handspring? Child’s play.)

Expression isn’t about words, and it isn’t about style… even though these factor into it heavily. It’s easy to get into ruts with your language, your catch-phrases, your metaphors. Expression is about viewpoints. It’s about perspective. It’s tied fundamentally to the eyes through which you see the world around you, and all the filters between your brain and the world it’s trying to make sense of.

Try this: think about your business. Think about who you serve, and what you do for them. Write it down. Keep it simple. Got it?

Now, come at it from a completely different angle, and do it again. Try seeing it as you’ve never seen it before. (Go ahead, take a minute and do it. I’ll wait.)

See how frickin’ hard that is?

You might have come up with some different phrases, or maybe a different way of languaging your process. Good for you. But did you notice how easy it was to slip back into your old way of seeing things? Did you feel how hard it was not to trudge down the same road as usual?

What does any of this matter?

It matters because it’s necessary. It matters because, in order to stay on top of the wave of a world that’s in constant flux, you have to constantly be reinventing your view on yourself. Why? Because people are constantly re-evaluating you each and every time they come in contact with you, and if you keep on spouting the same old tired platitudes, you’ll slip gently into the good night of obsoleteness.

As Hugh McLeod (of gapingvoid.com) wrote in his HughTrain Manifesto,

It’s no longer just enough for people to believe that your product does what it says on the label. They want to believe in you and what you do. And they’ll go elsewhere if they don’t.

It’s not enough for the customer to love your product. They have to love your process as well.

Now this isn’t some isolated business-speak, devoid of deeper implications or the need for actual human intimacy, here. Hugh goes on to say, “It’s not about merit. It’s about faith. Belief. Conviction. Courage. It?s about why you?re on this planet. To make a dent in the universe.” In other words, if you want to reach people, you have to dig deep. You have to extract the essence of what you’re about, and offer it up on a platter to anyone and everyone who reads you, gets in contact with you, or even remotely thinks about hiring you. And if you hope for being referred to others, be prepared to share your soul.

And, my friends, none of this can be done without some open-hearted introspection, dogged determination to strike to the core of who you are and what you do, and the genuine desire to connect with your fellow (wo)man. If you insist on mamby-pamby’ing around with superficialities, you’ll marginalize yourself. There’s too much ambient noise these days to just whimper, and expect to be heard. If you want to be heard, you’ve gotta yawp.

I know, I know…

This is tough stuff. This is bare-naked, raw-to-the-bone stuff. But it doesn’t have to be ugly. It can be a glorious sharing of your innermost desires, an arms-wide-open invitation to the world to glimpse the essence of who you are. And sharing of that magnitude rarely goes unrewarded.

Some may not like what they see. Some may object, driven by their own fears and doubts, and blame you for their pain. Others may counsel you to take a safer road, or keep hidden, or “appear professional (i.e. do ‘the ostrich routine’).” I say, let them have their way. You forge yours. Let them leave. You stay. And shine.

Some people—the right people, the people who matter—will love you for it. Why? Because you’ve given them something to love, something to wrap their hands around and hug. Those who stay hidden can’t touch, or be touched, like this.

It takes courage to step outside of your comfort zone. But that’s okay. I know you can do it. I believe in you.

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This past weekend I attended SOBCon08 (the Successful and Outstanding Bloggers Conference) in Chicago, and today I had planned to write all about it. There were some fantastic messages shared, I made some great new friendships, lots of new connections, and had a blast with everyone I met.

Of course, writing about it was what I was going to do today, but… on the way home from dropping off my rental car, we had a tire blow up on the interstate. Knock on wood, we were fine, although the wheelwell got a bit ripped up when the tire’s tread flew off.

And, knock on wood, even though there were a bunch of cars around us, there were no collisions, no problems (except ours)… everyone was fine.

And, knock on wood, the tire actually still worked! The tread blew clear off, but the rest stayed on and inflated, so we could actually limp along in the shoulder until the next off-ramp. (And no, it wasn’t a retreaded tire… the guy at the tire shop said that what happened really shouldn’t have happened. But, of course, it did, so it just goes to show that improbable things actually happen all the time, just in case those of you out there with 100% normal lives were wondering.)

And, amazingly, we were able to drive on the busted-up tire all the way into the next town (over 10 miles), and then into the next town—ours—without incident. Why so far? There’s only one tire place on the way, and they didn’t have one in our size (it’s a truck tire shop, primarily). The shredded tire held its air for one last journey, and we made it all the way to Bob’s Tire Service…

… where, knock on wood, the guys were awesome. We were out the door in about fifteen minutes, with two new tires on the car (we needed two because we were driving on the spare, due to a previous blowout a month or so ago), and filled with gratitude.

And that is the reason I told you the entire story.

Because throughout the entire adventure, we were filled with gratitude about all the wonderful things that conspired to make it as easy a process as it could have been. There were so many places along the way where this story could’ve turned ugly, but it didn’t. There were so many ways in which we could have gotten negative, cursing life… but we didn’t. My girls even did fine with it, finding ways to play and look on the bright side through the whole thing.

And while it means I have to postpone the SOBCon review for another day (because I’ve got to take my daughter to our soccer practice—she plays, I coach—in a few minutes), I’m brimming with gratitude over how fantastic my day has been so far. And that choice—the choice to choose gratitude over whining—made all the difference.

So, can you cultivate a practice of gratitude?

I used to hear people talk about gratitude, and my answer would be, “psh.” I figured that gratitude was for people whose lives were going fantastically, and those of us with struggles might get there someday. But the truth of it is, gratitude is not a by-product of a fantastic life, but how you get to have one in the first place.

How?

Gratitude is not a by-product of a fantastic life, but how you get to have one in the first place.Try it. Even if the ‘fit is hitting the shan’ all around you, see if there’s something you can honestly be grateful for. At first, it might come out like, “Well, at least I’m still breathing…”, but hey, that’s a start. Start wherever you have to — that’s what I did. At the time, I was feeling a lot like Eeyore, moping about my circumstances, but I tried it anyway. And I kept trying to see the bright side, no matter how grey things were looking (and at the time, they were about as grey as an elephant wearing sweatpants in a London fog, let me tell you…).

And you know what? It works. Our lives have totally turned around in so many ways since then. And, just as in my story today, even when things aren’t completely optimal by your standards, you’ll be a lot happier about it if you can be grateful for all that’s going on that’s worth being grateful for. Because, really, there’s always something worth being happy about.

What are you grateful for? How can you, right now, see the silver lining that’s in your life? Add it to the comments below this post, please — because you never know how your words can spark profound change for someone who may read them.

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I don’t mind doing windows. I even enjoy sweeping and mopping, and doing laundry has never been a problem. But I can let the dishes pile up like the Matterhorn before I swing into action.

Or, up until a couple months ago, that was true. But no longer. And I’ve never been happier about it.

What, is this going to be a plug for some newfangled dish soap? A treatise on the efficient use of scrubber sponges? A born-again dishwasher-user’s manifesto? Nope, nope, and nopety-nope.

What I’m going to share with you today has the potential to save your marriage, your sanity, and help you become the kind of person you’ve perhaps dreamed you could become, but haven’t known how before. And it all boils down to a word that will have more meaning for you by the time we’re done than it probably ever has before: responsibility.

What Responsibility Has To Do With The Dishes, Your Marriage, and Happiness

You see, up until a couple months ago, doing the dishes was a chore that my wife and are co-responsible for. Meaning, we’d never really defined whose job it is to do the dishes; one of us just swings into action when the need arises, just like every other household chore (like laundry, vacuuming, and flossing the cat’s teeth. Just kidding. We don’t vacuum).

But that’s where the problem was. Because each of us was responsible, neither of us took charge of the situation until one of us independently came to the conclusion that we could stand it no longer (we both despise doing the dishes), and dragged ourselves grudgingly to the sink and got going.

The result, of course, is that there were dishes awaiting attention pretty much all the time, and the kitchen sink continued to be an eyesore, which only made us more reluctant to engage with it. And the aversion to dishes continued, and would’ve no doubt continued indefinitely, had I not had an epiphany one day. It went something like this:

Suck it up and be a man.

Well, maybe it was a bit more compassionate than that, but that was pretty close. I just came to the realization that I would be happier if I would take responsibility for having the dishes be done. In essence, I would slide ‘doing the dishes’ from the shared responsibility pile into my pile, and be done with it. “When there were dishes to do,” I told myself, “I’m the one who’ll do them.”

I didn’t say a word about to my wife — who will hear about this entire subject for the first time if/when she reads this — because it wasn’t about me being the noble one, or bartering to get out of doing anything else. I didn’t want this to become “my task” and therefore make some other job become “her task.” I just wanted to take this on as my personal charge, because I wanted it to be done. It didn’t have anything to do with anyone or anything else.

But the effect has been nothing less than revolutionary.

Oh sure, the dishes don’t pile up anymore, and that’s nice. I do them a lot more than I used to, and yes, my wife has remarked on occasion how great it is that I’m doing the dishes so much. Happy happy, joy joy. La dee da.

Where this has made its impact is not even so much in the kitchen, as much as everywhere else in my life, including my work, my health, and how our family spends its time.

• I get to the gym religiously, at least four days a week.
• I don’t slouch on my eating regimen, except for my one free day each week.
• I don’t procrastinate at work anymore, even though I’m a keystroke away from the internet and all its distractionary potential all day long.
• I’m conscious of how I spend every moment with people, and I’m learning how to make the most of every interaction, not letting the important stuff go unsaid or unacknowledged anymore.
• and on and on…

Deciding to take responsibility for something, completely independent of the choices of others, has helped me to grow up. I know that probably sounds funny coming from the mouth of a 36-year-old, but it’s true. I may be a married father of two, but my self-concept is still one of a freewheeling 20-something-year-old, living in my first apartment and tasting independence and freedom for the first time (take a moment and think of how you consider yourself; do you think of yourself being your chronological age?). And so, making this decision to step up and do what I needed to do, for me, has been a pivotal part of becoming an adult. Because I believe (evidenced by the world around me) that being an adult, a sovereign decision-maker and responsible person, is a state of mind, not a condition of your years.

This isn’t the first thing I’ve been responsible for, obviously. I used to be the director of an intentional community. I’ve been an independent professional for years. I’ve been a lifeguard, a coach, and held positions of authority many times. But making the decision to be ‘big’, with no input whatsover from the world around you, is liberating as heck. It creates a level of strength and confidence within you, because you’re no longer relying on anyone or anything else to give you power and authority; you’re claiming it for yourself. And that kind of inner potency is going to have a glorious spillover effect in all kinds of ways in your life.

Now, it’s your turn…

When you look at your own life, where would taking on the responsibility for something make a noticeable impact in the quality of your life? And hey, start small… I started with the dishes, for pete’s sake.

But start. Make a decision to take charge of something. And you don’t have to tell anyone about it… you just have to do it. And then see what kind of effect it has on you.

You just may find, as I have, that choosing to accept responsibility for something has a much greater impact on your life than you ever thought possible.

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macieklew on Flickr

When I first began studying healing and spiritual development, I was not the emotionally literate version of me you see before you today (hey you, snickering in the back— I saw that!). I was an all-too-common example of someone who had a really hard time showing his true colors, for fear of rejection and all. The trick is, when you don’t open up to others because you’re afraid of not being loved, you end up not being loved nearly as much as you could, because you’re practically invisible.

One of my teachers, who was an avid Rumi fan, shared a poem with me one day called “Cry Out In Your Weakness.” It tore at my heart, rending apart the fears and hesitations that kept me from putting myself out to others, and helped remind me that as much as my pain felt normal to me, it wasn’t in my best interests to keep steeping in it.

Here you go:

A dragon was pulling a bear into its terrible mouth
A courageous man went and rescued the bear.

There are such helpers in the world, who rush to save anyone who cries out.
Like mercy itself, they run toward the screaming. And they can’t be bought off.

If you were to ask one of those, “Why did you come so quickly?” he or she would say, “Because I heard your helplessness.”

Where lowland is, that’s where water goes. All medicine wants is pain to cure.

And don’t just ask for one mercy. Let them flood in. Let the sky open under your feet.

Take the cotton out of your ears, the cotton of consolations, so you can hear the sphere-music. Push the hair out of your eyes. Blow the phlegm from your nose, and from your brain.

Let the wind breeze through. Leave no residue in yourself from that bilious fever.
Take the cure for impotence, that your manhood may shoot forth, and a hundred new beings come of your coming.

Tear the binding from around the foot of your soul, and let it race around the track in front of the crowd. Loosen the knot of greed so tight on your neck. Accept your new good luck.

Give your weakness to one who helps. Crying out loud and weeping are great resources.

A nursing mother, all she does is wait to hear her child. Just a little beginning-whimper, and she’s there. God created the child, that is, your wanting, so that it might cry out, so that milk might come.

Cry out! Don’t be stolid and silent with your pain. Lament! And let the milk of loving flow into you.

The hard rain and wind are ways the cloud has to take care of us.

Be patient. Respond to every call that excites your spirit. Ignore those that make you fearful and sad, that degrade you back toward disease and death.

This poem, especially the last four lines, have always strengthened my resolve to live fully, no matter how scary it might seem, or how much it might feel overwhelming to stare down the ugly beast of social normalcy and say, “You there, the sad creature with the ‘Preserve The Status Quo’ t-shirt on— it’s time for you to shut up.”

Because heaven knows there are forces, both within you and mirrored around you, that would love for you to slink back into the shadows, and settle for less. I say, it’s time to kick those freeloaders out. Time for you to embrace your passion (as overworked as that phrase can feel, it’s got kernels of genius in it). Time to stand up and be counted.

It’s Funny How Things Get Started

Take for an example, this post. What I meant to write about was the no-man-is-an-island need for us to embrace feedback in our lives. And, even when it feels like too much vulnerability to ask, to ask anyway. Because, as Rumi so eloquently penned, “Take the cotton out of your ears”… and, “Cry out! Don’t be stolid and silent with your pain. Lament! And let the milk of loving flow into you.”

Instead, it turned into a siren-call for living life on your own terms. Or, at least, it did to me.

And, I’d still love to get around to that whole “feedback” thing…

I Need Your Input

I’m craving it, actually. It’s the fuel that keeps me writing, and I’m realizing how much I’ve been running on empty. Be clear: I’m not blaming you— heavens no. How can you fault the man for not rescuing the bear from the jaws of the dragon, if the bear never cries out for help? So, this is me, crying out in my weakness, asking for your input on this site.

Answering the call is as easy as leaving a comment below. Here are my questions:

• What do you think of this site? Design-wise, content-wise, etc. Easy/Hard to navigate? Like/Hate the new layout?
• What do you think of this new direction in my writing? Miss the Monk? I’d really like to know…
• What do you want from me? How have I helped you or inspired you before?

I’ve got other questions, too, but these are the important ones. The ones clawing at my soul. The ones that need relief from the “bilious fever” of isolation.

And thank you.

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Modified Enzyme on Flickr

I read an article years ago about tall people, and their supposed nomenclature for describing how tall they are. “What are you?”, one tall guy says to another. “Three,” says the second guy, who’s 6′3″. “You?”, he continues.

“Five,” says the 6′5″ guy, clearly feeling superior about the extra two inches of height he was given (and didn’t lift a finger for). The two men size themselves up for a moment, swagger and grunt a few times, and both walk away feeling good that they’re in the upper percentiles of vertically-endowed men, and equally happy they didn’t come across LeBron James. Or Leonid Stadnyk.

Is This True?

I don’t honestly know, although I can say with all certainty, as someone who’s 6′4″ myself, I’ve never referred to myself as “four”, nor have I ever had some guy come at me and say he was “six” or “one” or “hey, I’m four, too.”

The idea, though, of self-identifying with a number is, of course, pretty darn silly (not to mention indicative of some serious insecurities that you should probably seek help with). There are plenty of metrics you can use to get a better grip on where you are in your life, and height isn’t one of them, unless you’re a teenage NBA hopeful. For the rest of us, let’s take a look at one metric that can have direct bearing on the kinds of conversations you should—and shouldn’t—be having.

The Three S’s

The Three S’s come from Rick Warren’s A Purpose-Driven Life, which is a phenomenal best-seller about finding your purpose in life. I haven’t read the book myself, but Rick’s TED talk is a great one.

One of the essential gems of Rick’s teachings is about the stages of life that people go through on their way towards a life of purpose: Survival, Success, and Significance. Here I go, paraphrasing again…

• In Survival, you’re just trying to hold on.
• In Success, you’re making it work.
• In Significance, you’re used to having it work, and now you’re concerned with making it count.

As you can tell, these are three very different modes of being to live in. The feelings, experiences, and concerns of each mode are very, very specific (the more of these you’ve experienced, the more you know what I’m talking about). The kinds of conversations happening in your life are very dependent on the “S-level” you’re at. Or, at least, they should be.

When you’re trying to make your bills, and keep the power from being shut off, you’re not talking much about trips to the French Riviera, or what color Bentley you want to drive… and that’s a good thing. It’s just not healthy to put a lot of energy into conversations that pull your focus away from where it needs to be.

Think about it: Is it really worth twenty minutes of poring through swatches to figure out what color of carpet you want in your Tesla, when you’re getting ten phone calls a day from bill collectors? Should you really be planning that pilgrimage to Mt. Kailas when you’re a financially-induced vegetarian? Your time is better spent figuring out how you’re going to put food on the table and pay the electric bill.

You can’t pursue your purpose if your basic needs of life are not met.

Now, I can already hear the Law of Attraction devotees screaming at me, “But we’re supposed to focus on what we want!” Of course you are. Dream, visualize, create vision boards… do it all. But remember what the big key is to moving forward: Action. And the best kind of action is action that’s taking account of your needs in the moment.

It is absolutely essential then that, before you take any drastic action, you first sit down and decide what your true needs are. What do you need to survive – to pay rent, to buy food, to keep the lights on and the water running? What do you NEED – not WANT – what do you NEED in order to ensure that freedom in your mind and in your reality.

The greatest thing about these quotes is who said them: Bob Proctor. That’s right! King of the Secret, Mr. Law of Attraction himself… Bob wrote that in a 9-page article called, “Purpose, Vision, Goals” in 2003. He goes on to give great advice about getting clear on what your needs really are, and how to start pursuing your dreams without putting yourself in jeopardy. I highly recommend it (and since it’s free, you can get your hands on a copy no matter what conversation you’re in).

Besides, I’m a big believer in the Law of Attraction (it just makes darn good sense, in my opinion). Focusing on what you want, believing that you can achieve it, and working towards it with passion… that’s a great recipe for success.

What seems to trip up so many people, though, is that when they’re just starting their businesses, or looking for ways to engineer their perfect lives, they try to get their businesses airborne AND figure out if what they’re doing is what they’re “supposed” to be doing.

When I read Bob Proctor’s piece about not stressing about figuring out your place in the universe while you’re building your life, it just made perfect sense to me. It’s tough enough creating a business, marketing yourself, and serving your patrons without wondering at every turn if you’re fulfilling your ultimate destiny.

So, as you’re creating your suited-to-the-moment plan for the life you want,

• Take into account which “S-level” you’re at,
• Come up with a plan to:
• handle your present moment, while
• visualizing your positive future
• Trust that when the time comes to reap what you’ve sown (whether it’s in Success or Significance), you’ll be ready for it.

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If there’s anything that gives you a great excuse to re-open the door of past relationships, it’s making a change in your work. You moved? Dyed your hair pink? Changed your name to Snuffy? Big whoop — no one blinks. Change jobs, though, and the whole world gets curious.

Since making the shift from Monk at Work to Viverati, I’ve had the chance to explain my change-in-direction to a number of friends, old and new. And then it occurred to me that I should do the same thing here (duh!). Why? Because I’m narcisstic? Not at all - I’d much rather talk about you than me, any day.

I’ve talked with so many people in so many different industries that have been going through clarity spikes in their identities, I figured this post might come in handy, perhaps pointing the way for others in the throes of transition. And, if nothing else, it gives me a place to point people when they say, "Vive-what?"

[Synchronistically, Chris Garrett (of chrisg.com and AuthorityBlogger), a long-time blogoquaintance, along with the inimitable Liz Strauss (the founder of the SOBEvents), and BlogCatalog, are offering a sweet contest in regards to SOBCon08, and so this is a leatherman post. I had such an amazing time at SOBCon07, I'd love a chance to go again, not to mention win a bunch of great opportunities. That said...]

Vive-what?

One morning this past winter, after finishing a particularly grueling lovely CrossFit workout while in the midst of a full-blown identity crisis, it hit me: If you talked with 99% of the population and asked them if they knew about CrossFit, they’d say no. The "conventional wisdom" version of getting in shape looks like a skinny-fat walking on a treadmill for 45 minutes, watching the morning gamut of talk-blather on the idiot box at a Globogym.

But it’s not just that CrossFit is one uncommon blip in my otherwise normal life; the way I eat, the spirituality I’ve practiced, the work I’ve done (and the sports and the music and the martial arts and on it goes)… there are few places in my life where you could point and say, "oh yeah, that’s normal."

Room to grow

And, to be completely honest, I was tired of Monk at Work. I felt like I had established a certain voice there, and created certain expectations that weren’t really serving the full breadth of who I am and what I can offer. I realized that in order to grow, I’d have to drop the Monk and begin something new.

I knew that whatever I created had to give me room to grow into just about anything, because I tend to get interested in a lot of things in life. If I focused too narrowly, I’d inevitably bounce out again at some point in the future.

So, I’m standing there in my basement, sucking wind from my morning workout, and I thought about the most important question of all: Why? Why do I do all this off-the-beaten-path stuff? Why haven’t I fallen in with the sheeple? Why does any of it matter?

The answer: Everything matters.

Think about it: Haven’t you, at some point in your life, realized that the way you were doing something wasn’t working for you? Doesn’t matter what it was. My bet is that you were doing it the way you were taught, or the way you saw other people doing it, or just the "common sense" way. But then you realized that doing it that way sucked, and wasn’t getting you anywhere near the results you wanted.

So, you learned. You searched. You changed. You grew. And with that growth came improvement. And with improvement, a new perspective on your world.

Life at the "lowest common denominator" level bites, basically.

What you want—what everybody wants—and what will get you the kind of results you want out of life is "highest common denominator" living. A life that’s amazing, full, and rich with excitement, experience, and fulfillment. A life in which you can apply yourself to the fullest. A life in which you can do what you set out to do, no matter what it is.

And How, Pray Tell?

You’ve gotta grow. Go beyond who and what you’ve been before. And if you stop and think about it—really think about it—do you think that’s going to happen if you only look outside yourself for inspiration and guidance?

Your vision will become clear only when you can look into your own heart…. Who looks outside, dreams; who looks inside, awakes. — Carl Jung

To be honest, this is as much a journey for you as it is for me. It’s about learning to be the authority in our own lives. To hone our abilities to discern what works for us, and have a semi-permeable membrane when it comes to taking in information and using it. You are the best judge of what can make your life absolutely rock, if you take that responsibility into your own hands and be the person you are here to be.

And that, my friends, is what a "viveratus" is: someone who lives their life to the fullest, on the outside and on the inside, because the two must go together. When you become truly literate in that which is vital to reaching your potential in life, you will be living the life you’ve always wanted, and, known deep inside was possible.

How Viverati Can Help

My intention with Viverati is not to create a soapbox for me and my opinions; if it was all about me, I’d have called it Viveratus, because I’m only one person. Viverati—plural—is about creating a community of people around this idea of "exceptional life literacy," a community of people who support each other, share, and grow together. A place where you can get what you need to go out there and kick ass in your own life.

To that end, the future of Viverati is an open book. Right now, there are posts, and the first podcast is coming next week. If/when the time is right, you’ll see a forum here, or some way for us to network more socially. We may start a book club. We may have in-person gatherings across the world. The world is our oyster.

You want something? Got an idea about what would rock? Ask me. Bring it up in the comment box, or write me. I’m open.

Or, give me a hug.

I have every intention of making it to SOBCon this year, and if you’re there, come give me a squeeze (you can’t miss me - 6′4" and bald as a cannon ball). SOBCon is a great chance to meet so many great members of the blogging community, learn top-notch tools about business from some fantastic minds, and, if this year is anything like last year, eat some of the best Indian food on the planet.

Last year’s event was stellar; I learned so much and met so many cool people… and at the time, my blog was only a month old. I even rocked the boat at one point; this year, I hope to keep speaking my mind and finding out who my tribe is (and isn’t). There’s no better way to learn than to jump in with both feet.

So if you’re a newbie, don’t sweat it. And if you’re an oldie, don’t miss it, either. There’s going to be plenty to rock your world.

Even if I don’t win the AuthorityBlogger contest, it’ll be amazing. But if I do, getting the chance to sit down with Chris Garrett and pick his brain about how he (a self-admitted shy guy) has gotten so popular in the blogging world would be the icing on the cake (and never fear, I’ll be sure to tell all here, if I do).

So, What Are You Waiting For?

You’ve heard my story — now, let’s hear yours. I’m inviting you to:

• write a post on your own site about your journey, your message, your purpose (call it what you will), and/or
• tell us in the comments about the kinds of revelations you’ve been having lately that are fueling the changes in your life, and/or
• share how this idea of "becoming the authority of your own life" lands for you.

Have at it, and have fun!

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Edna Mode, via Wikipedia

She lives so large, she makes superheros nervous.

Edna Mode, referred to as "E" (analogous to Superman’s "S", or Mr. Incredible’s "I"), fashion designer and costumer of superheros in Pixar’s The Incredibles, packs so much juice, boldness, and raw energy into her tiny frame that she’s a force to be reckoned with, even for indestructible superheros.

If E can have that kind of effect on fantastically empowered champions, imagine what thinking like E could do for you.

Superheroes are easy, darling. Mediocrity is much more difficult to work with—and it is in such great supply.

Why You Should Think Hard About Thinking Big

Oh sure, every motivational speaker out there is going to tell you, "Shoot for the stars! Dream! Be all you can be!" And it’s good for their business to do so; after all, they’re in the entertainment business. They’re there to pump you up, and help you face the big challenges that go along with big dreams.

But "thinking big" goes beyond just priming your emotional pump. It’s damn good advice.

Take a page from Google

Thinking big has helped Google go from an odd-sounding startup to a gargantuan online empire, the size of which most of us can’t even fathom. Bill Weihl, "Green Energy Czar" of the Renewable Energy Department of Google (yes, you read that right), described plainly the practical genius behind thinking big:

Even if you don’t always achieve 100% of audacious goals, you’re probably doing better than if you set milder goals.

Think about it: why not aim for a BHAG? You could aim for "decent", and you’ll probably arrive. Hooray for you. Enjoy that big helping of decent pie. Tastes like vanilla cardboard, doesn’t it?

Passion Ignites The Soul

Whether you follow U.S. politics or not, and whether your blood runs red or blue, you’ve no doubt heard about Barack Obama. Why is this man sweeping the nation, igniting the fires in people’s hearts, and renewing faith where it was once lost?

Because Obama knows how to dream.
Because he knows that dreams and hope are powerful forces.
And because he knows, as Seth does, that hope and love are far more powerful than fear.

Enough Theory — How Do I Get There Myself?

Thinking big is sometimes easier said than done, ain’t it? When you’re gripped by fear and uncertainty, it can seem tough to think like an advocate for living ginormously.

If you’re finding it hard to rise up and go, guns blazing, remember the words of E herself:

You are Elastigirl! My God! Pull yourself together! What will you do? Is this a question? Show him you remember that he is Mr. lncredible, and you will remind him who you are! Well, you know where he is. Go! Confront the problem! Fight! Win! And call me when you get back, darling. I enjoy our visits.

• Remember who you are: When you’re thinking small, it’s because you’ve forgotten who you truly are. Read testimonials you’ve been sent. Or things your best friends have told you about yourself. Recall your strengths, your marquee talents, and above all, the content of your heart. No matter what you’ve done in your life, this much is true: you have a glorious, shining heart, and you can remember that at any time just by sitting quietly and getting in touch with it.
• Confront the problem: Resist the urge to procrastinate, to slink away from your challenges and hide within the comfortable (but diminishing) blankets of the known. (And if you need a hand with this one, I know a resource you may be interested in…)
• Fight! Win!: Anything worth accomplishing is going to be hard work. Otherwise, every lazy-butt sloth out there would be king. You’ve got to declare what you want, no matter how crazy it may sound, and go for it like there’s no turning back. That’s how champions are made.
• Look on the bright side: When E makes a super-suit for little baby Jack-Jack (who hadn’t yet revealed his superpowers), his mother, Elastigirl, says, "Jack-Jack doesn’t have any powers." And E’s reply is, "No? Well, he’ll look fabulous anyway."

Words are useless, darling! Gobble, gobble, gobble!

Planning has its time, but action is key. As E said,

Luck favors the prepared.

And yet, when the rubber meets the road, all the planning, theorizing, and talking in the world isn’t going to get you anywhere; you must act. Action is the liberator of intention, the champion of your thoughts.

Yes, words are useless. Gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble! Too much of it, darling. Too much! That is why I show you my work. That is why you are here.

Never forget to act. It is in the arena of action that your mettle gets proven, that your brilliance will be realized, and your goals and dreams fulfilled.

Now Go! Fight! Win! And call me when you get back, darling. I enjoy our visits.

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You’re going to hear more from me about EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique), that’s for sure; I’m a huge fan, and my wife is a practitioner. Even my 8-year-old taps, on her own, whenever she’s nervous or feeling ill.

What is it?

It’s a method of healing that’s based on balancing the body’s energy system, and it gets its history in large part from Oriental medicine. No needles, though; you tap with your fingers on the same points acupuncturists put needles into. And it works for physical symptoms, emotional issues, belief systems, you name it.

I love it. And, I’m not the only one… as I understand the story, the same filmmaking artists who worked on The Secret were so impressed by EFT, they worked with EFT’s founder, Gary Craig, to create this video to introduce people to it:

You’ve got to watch it, it’s well worth the few minutes.

If you’re interested in learning more, and want to experience it yourself, give my wife a call. She’s amazing. And if you have experience with EFT, feel free to leave a comment so we can hear your experiences, too. 

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suika*2008 on Flickr

Searching for meaning? Want to know what your purpose is?

Get in line.

- end of post -

Just kidding!

It’s obvious that there’s no one answer to these kinds of questions. It’s a search, an exploration… one that we all take once bitten by the “significance” bug. It’s a part of living an examined, awake life.

The trick is this: it’s one thing to search… and it’s another to stay sane as you do.

Discovering your purpose isn’t a race.

Instead of adopting the attitude of, “I’ve gotta find it NOW, so I can get going and make it happen!”, with a drive for perfection and a now-I-can-stop-searching-and-just-be-happy attitude, you’ll be far better off taking a page from the book of Japanese aesthetics, and more specifically, the concept of wabi-sabi.

What’s known to millions as a philosophy of "imperfection, impermanence, and incompletion" can keep you from ripping the hair from your head as you walk your walk. (and if you’re curious, mine is shaved, not ripped.)

So, with help from Leonard Koren’s book, Wabi-Sabi: for Artists, Designers, Poets and Philosophers, let’s take a look at some of the principles of wabi-sabi, “a nature-based aesthetic paradigm that restores a measure of sanity and proportion to the art of living,” and how they relate to the search for meaning and purpose.

Slow it down

To experience wabi-sabi means you have to slow down, be patient and look very closely.

In the search for purpose and meaning, I’ve seen an agitated frenzy erupt in some people. “I’ve gotta find my purpose! I don’t know what to do without it!”, or, "I can’t believe I’m x years old, and don’t know what my purpose is yet!" But discovering and living one’s purpose isn’t a pop-a-pill-and-be-done, download-it-now experience.

Just like wabi-sabi, your purpose is something that isn’t jumps up, does a dance, and hollers in your face. It’s often times a glacial process, where bits and pieces get uncovered as you go.

Because sometimes, when you stare at something, you miss it.

Instead, slow down, relax, and get in tune with your self — not the self that takes its cues from the world around it, but the you that you are in the absence of external input. The you that yearns to express itself in its own unique way.

Pare it back

Pare down to the essence, but don’t remove the poetry.

fukagawa on Flickr

Your purpose is most often simpler than you might think. It’s like a mission statement — the longer and more loquacious they are, the less they’re probably saying. Instead, seek simplicity, much like Guy Kawasaki talks about in reference to "making a mantra" in “Art of the Start” (you can download his manifesto which talks about this from ChangeThis). Rather than drone on endlessly about "adding value through optimized ventures and time-honored blah blah blah", the statement of your purpose can be simple and clear, like, “serving children,” or, “expressing uniqueness through design,” or, “creating beautiful moments.” Wabi-sabi speaks of the power of simplicity, and at its finest, so does your sense of purpose.

Simplicity is at the core of things wabi-sabi. The essence of wabi-sabi, as expressed in tea, is simplicity itself: fetch water, gather firewood, boil the water, prepare tea, and serve it to others.

Let it go

Wabi-sabi is exactly about the delicate balance between the pleasure we get from things and the pleasure we get from freedom from things.

If your search for meaning is about getting something tangible, think again. While knowing your purpose and working from it can result in a more successful business (clarity attracts, if you catch my drift), the main reward of inner lucidity isn’t material, it’s spiritual. Fulfillment, more than fame and fortune, is the pot of gold at the end of this rainbow.

It’s your life, after all

Nothing lasts, nothing is finished, and nothing is perfect.

You are a work in progress. Your work is a work in progress. And no matter how good it looks, or how much you convince other people (and yourself) that you’ve "got it all together," the simple truth is that you can’t. And the good news is, you aren’t meant to.

Rather than rail against the messiness that continuous learning precipitates (you mean I have to re-write this ‘About Me’ page again?”), you’ll do far better to accept that you are always evolving. As Soren Kierkegaard said, we are “constantly in the process of becoming.” He also said, “Be that self which one truly is.” (Maybe I need to do a post on ‘The Kierkegaard Search For Purpose’…)

At its core, wabi-sabi is, to me, about recognizing the beauty in what is, so you can step back and appreciate what you have all around you. Not a bad prescription, I think.

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